More of You, God (Less of Me)
I left my last job running (sprinting, really), closing that door firmly behind me. I ran directly into another job and just kept on running. The new position was just a temporary one, and I (wrongly) thought I'd be able to fill in temporarily for our church's communications director while simultaneously looking for (and securing) my new permanent position. That did NOT happen. Lol. Little did I know how hard I would work in that temporary position. At the end of the day, I had very little left in me for a full-on job search. And suddenly, there I was, having jumped off that unexpectedly fast-paced employment merry-go-round and officially unemployed.
I would have been happy about the break if not for the fact that I wouldn't be collecting a paycheck and for the intrusive thoughts that were casting doubts about my self-worth and financial stability. Really happy, in fact.
But finding a job is harder than it should be. The current application and interview process is absolutely broken. I've applied for jobs that read like they were made for me and didn't even get the opportunity to interview. I felt worried and scared about what would happen if I wasn't contributing to our family's income. When it came to my job search, I felt like I'd run straight into an impenetrable brick wall.
Yet here's the thing: I fully believe, like, 100% fully believe, that the Lord ushered me out of my last job. His handwriting was all over my departure—the way He provided a "soft landing" in the temporary position at my church and in the positive way the terms of my resignation were received. Yet there I was, battling insecurity, depression, and fear, wondering what might happen if I didn't secure a new job fast.
Where was all that faith I had three months ago when I confidently handed in my resignation in exchange for a short-term position?
I'm still trying to figure this all out, and as backward as this may sound, I think my faith may be stronger today than it was in December when I turned in my notice. Why stronger now? Because I've been wrestling with it, proactively searching for answers, and working out my faith muscles in ways I hadn't used them before.
I recently heard something in a message from Jackie Hill Perry that resonated with me. She said, and I'll paraphrase, that although we tell God we want more of Him and ask Him to fill us up, we are too full of ourselves to allow much room for Him—much less more of Him. She gave the example of a nearly full water bottle. If you hand that nearly full water bottle to someone and ask them to fill it up with fresh spring water, they can top you off, but your bottle is already full, so you won't be getting much of the fresh water. That's how I've been with God, asking for more of Him but giving Him very little room to fill me.
Have you ever said: "Lord help me..."
"...find a job." And then try to make a mediocre job offer sound like a gift from Him?
"...meet 'the one.'" And then try to justify how someone who doesn't meet His standards is the one God sent?
"...overcome this sin in my life." And then make excuses or justifications as you modify the sin to a more "acceptable" measure?
I am learning that God is able to meet my needs. And when I surrender my independence, He will meet my needs in ways I've never experienced. The more I let go of doing things my way, on my terms, in my time, the more room I give God to work in His holy and perfect way. And in this way, I get the more of Him that I've been asking for. But I'll never get there if I don't surrender my plan. My need surrendered to His will, becomes the platform on which I will receive more of God.
What does this mean in regards to my job search? Well, for starters, it means letting go of my independence and trading my best for God's. (This is not the same as becoming irresponsible and giving up on looking for a job.) It means taking Philippians 4:6 to heart. God tells us, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." So, as I am looking, applying, writing, and rewriting my cover letter for the hundredth time, I am not giving in to worry or anxiety, but I am bringing my need to God—over and over again. I am committing my job search to prayer and petition.
Friend, I know it takes an extra amount of faith to let go of something important, like the desire for a job, a life partner, or a child. I know it can seem impossible not to feel anxious, pointless to ask God over and over for the same thing, and even irresponsible to trust God instead of fretting. But when we surrender, we give God permission to meet our needs in His best way, and we get to receive more of Him. Yes, it is easy to trust the Lord when we feel in control, but there is so much more we will learn about Him and receive from Him when we fully surrender to His plans and purposes.
What do you need to surrender to allow more room for God?
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